The Post of Ultimate Writing Advice! (Or not.)

In the 80s film Better Off Dead, a skier is standing at the top of a hill, trying to prepare for a race that's way over his head. A girl points down the slope and gives him the following advice: "Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn." If I am ever in a position where someone thinks I actually have writing advice to give, my reply will be basically that. Because I don't know how to give any other writing advice that doesn't go, "Oh, yes, you can/should totally do XYZ, because I did XYZ, and I [insert list of my accomplishments here]."

Because my success (however I define it) might've had nothing to do with XYZ. Maybe it just happened to be that the editor needed one more story for that "Enchanted Car Washes" issue, and bam! I just happened to send an enchanted car wash fic. Maybe an agent thinks that novels about enchanted car washes are about to become the next big thing, and there, I win again.

I think there's a big tendency in the writing world for us to say our rejections were just a matter of taste or bad luck and our successes were because so we're awesome that no one could resist us. And that feels good as long as the successes keep coming. But I don't think you can hold those two conflicting ideas in your head all the time, especially in the face of a long string of rejections. Either you're going to come to the conclusion that everything is luck or you're going to come to the conclusion that you just don't write well enough. The latter is a great way to shake off Golden Words Syndrome. But there's something horribly demoralizing about seeing self-improvement, getting hit with more rejections, and then getting told by someone that said rejections just mean you're not good enough. Now, I don't think getting published is totally luck-based. I do think putting your manuscript in Times New Roman rather than Wingdings helps your cause. But outside of the basic advice to not be a creepy idiot and to write in competent English, I think just about anything else goes.

All you can do is try stuff and if that doesn't work, try other stuff. Don't discount the improvement you see in your day-to-day writing, even if you're the only one who seems to notice it's there. Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

5 Ways to Tell if You'll Be Published (and Why They're Wrong)

Let me be clear up front: I am not (nor will I ever be) in a position to tell anyone whether or not they're going to "make it" in the writing business. But I've seen a bunch of blog posts either in the form of a list, a quiz, or just general advice purporting to inform readers whether or not they've got the stuff it takes to nab a book deal. It's usually meant to be encouraging, but honestly, I think it sometimes has the opposite effect. Here's some examples of what I mean:

1. "You'll never be a writer if you give up."
The problem: I'm pretty sure that quite a few published writers out there have, at some point, thrown down their mighty pens in frustration and declared, "I give up!" And meant it, too. Why does it have to be that we're either throwing our all into writing or we're doing nothing? I think we're all allowed to take breaks from the writing and publishing journey without feeling like we fall into that dreaded category of "people who gave up."

2. "You must love writing even if you're not having any success with publication."
There's this idea that we as writers should be totally, completely in love with writing all the time, even in the face of rejection. But we're not. And I don't think that's weird. Some days sitting down in front of the computer to work on the next manuscript when you just got hammered with rejections on the last one is not that fun. And that's okay. "Dealing with rejection" doesn't mean it never affects you.

3. "You'll never be a writer if you don't listen to advice."
The problem: I'd love for this one to be true. There's few things more frustrating than the guy who brags he can do all this awesome stuff and then, dang it, he actually can. But let's face it, some people think they're brilliant writers and turns out, they are. Good for them. But that aside, not all advice is good advice. Not even all advice that comes from an established writer is good advice. I was advised to trunk one of my YA manuscripts by a writer with a fairly successful editing service. It's so far been the manuscript that's gotten the most requests for more material. By an impressive margin. Which brings me to my next point...

4. "Successful writers get better with each manuscript."
I don't know who thought this one up. Seriously. After that manuscript got all those requests, my head was filled images of how my next manuscript was obviously going to "the one." I mean, I could hardly get any closer to landing an agent than I already had without actually having an offer. Only I didn't get offers with the next one. I barely got requests at all. Or the next one. And the infuriating thing was that all my beta readers seemed to think the subsequent manuscripts actually were better than my earlier one. But the number of rejections sure didn't feel like it. I think we have to allow ourselves the chance to write things that aren't as good as before. If we're always supposed to get better, we won't take chances for fear of slipping backwards. And sometimes slipping backwards is the only way to learn something new.

5. "No one who writes this bad will ever make it."
Thankfully, no one's ever said this to me. But I have seen it said (or at least, heavily implied) about others. I think good writers can start at any level. I really do. And I don't think there's any writer or editor out there who can look at a piece of writing like it's some kind of crystal ball and declare, "never." Never is a long time. People can learn a lot during never.

Just as a final disclaimer, this blog post is not intended to dissect or criticize the advice of any one person. It's just some general observations I've made. And if you're like me and feel like maybe what Author X said was true, that you're just not cut out for this, I just want to encourage you. People aren't fortune tellers. If you want to keep trying, keep trying. I'll be right there with you.

Request for Guest Posts

I realize that writing up a request for guest posts after I had a long hiatus is odd, but it's something I've been meaning to do for a while. Now, like all parents, I know that my child is the most wonderful kid in the world. But I remain humble and open to the idea that readers might want to hear from the parents of other most wonderful kids in the world. I also realize that I don't actually know anything about parenting a kid older than ten months. (And even under ten months, it's highly questionable.)

Specifically, I'd love to showcase any of the following:

1) Letters to Baby: Anything you wrote for your children, be it a letter, a poem, the lyrics to his/her personal rock song, ect. Can be sentimental or silly.

2) Parental Wisdom: Do you brainstorm plot twists while changing diapers? Do you name your characters after your kid's imaginary friend? Share your ideas on how to get the creative juices flowing without ignoring the kids or refusing to sleep.

3) Kids' Writing: What sorts of creative writing activities do you do with your kids? How do you help feed their imaginations? This is something I would love to feature on this blog, but as my child does not yet communicate, it's a bit hard.

By the way, the age of your "baby" is totally irrelevant. If you want to write about how your 50-year-old son inspires you, that's fine by me. As for word count, I'd prefer if posts stay somewhere between 200 and 400 words, but I won't bite your head off for submitting something a bit outside that. (Nor am I sure how one goes about biting someone's head off through the internet.)

Okay, I think that's it. If you're feeling generous with your time, you can e-mail me me your submissions, or feel free to share any comments or questions.

Thanks so much everyone!